


You're A Cheeky Little Bastard, Ain't Ya?

by orphan_account



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pokemon Fusion, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Multi, Pokemon are hella smart, and fun, and they're little shits!, oh well, there's a good chance this falls in the crack category
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:52:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9480077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Pokémon think humans are crazy. They also think their Overwatch trainers are criminally insane and yet, they still love them. Faults and all.--The Overwatch/Pokémon AU nobody asked for.





	1. Humans are weird

Lena’s first Pokémon was a Raichu. She had just completed one of the first missions given to her after the slipstream accident and managed to crash her getaway plane upon arrival. Last thing Overwatch needed was Atlas News covering a plane crash in the English countryside. With everyone already up in arms about the whole Omnic Crisis, it was best that Lena’s mishap was immediately rectified and kept under wraps. Stranded, she waited for Jack to send his Braviary after her like he does every time Lena was late for briefing, when a streak of lightning illuminated the sky.

The forecast said nothing but bright clear skies, the lightning meant that someone or _something_ was in trouble. Ever the good Samaritan, Lena immediately bounded off towards it. She expected to find some poor traveler at the wrong end of a wild Pokémon but instead, she found a Raichu being attacked by a swarm of Spearows.

It was an unfair fight and head first the former pilot blinks in front of the poor thing, wrapping her arms around it before releasing pulse bomb into the air. It was a prototype, still in its early stages of development, it only served as a momentary paralyzing agent but it was enough to scare the Spearows away.

Lena likes to think it was love at first sight.

She took Raichu to the medbay back at headquarters and the second he awoke their lives were forever changed. She saw Raichu and Raichu saw her, bright amber eyes wide and grateful.

Pokémon and their Trainers are together practically every minute of their lives, either inside their Pokéballs or like Lena’s Raichu following them around. So, it’s completely normal for the Pokémon to mimic some mannerisms from their Trainers (Hana’s Pachirisu makes the perfect imitation of her face whenever a bag of Doritos is opened) like Raichu – a “cheeky bastard” Lena often called him whenever he did something mischievous – was a hyperactive, bubbly little guy who was as upbeat at Lena was. So much so, she gave him a pair of orange and white goggles, just like hers. Something the mouse Pokémon cherishes greatly.

And as much as Raichu loved Lena, he didn’t understand her sometimes.

Especially when it came to Widowmaker.

It confused him to no end whenever they fought. Wasn’t the spider woman an enemy? So why was it that every time the two of them were together there was always this playful banter between them. Even when facing down the barrel of Widowmaker’s rifle, there was a smile on his Trainer’s face.

 _Was it something all humans did?_ Raichu thought one evening at home in Lena’s apartment. He sat on the table eating a pint of chocolate ice cream as he watched Lena pace back and forth with her phone in hand. She was talking to the blonde angel lady, Angela.

“Oh love, if only you didn’t have to work tonight we could’ve gone out,” Lena says, “To the pub or somethin’.”

Angela shakes her head no, “I wish I could Lena, but work needs to be done in the lab and must keep watch over Hanzo.”

“But Jesse’s watching him, isn’t he?”

“Ja, but Hanzo keeps ripping the electrodes off and his heart needs to be monitored. Jesse starts to panic whenever the monitor flatlines and makes everything worse so nothing can get done. Vilken röra.” The blonde doctor sighs. “Zangoose even tries to keep Jesse calm but nothing works, you would think that man would listen to his Pokémon.”

In the background, Lena can see the cat ferret Pokémon flailing it’s paws around madly as both Jesse and Hanzo start arguing.

“You are an asshole! A grade A, certified A-S-S hole!” The cowboy yells and Hanzo responding with something in his native tongue. Either way, Lena feels bad for Angela for having to deal with this.

Raichu, face smeared with chocolate ice cream, stares at the bottom of the tub, saddened that there was no more rocky road. As Lena continues talking to Angela, watching the commotion through the phone and trying to help in any way she can over facetime, Raichu proceeds to climb onto the fridge; opening the freezer for any more ice cream. But to his dismay, there’s nothing but frozen foods and he’s still hungry.

With a cry of grief, the orange mouse closes the freezer and tries to get Lena’s attention, not understanding why she walked around the house yelling at her phone. He raises a paw and seems to have caught her attention, but all Raichu receives is a loving pat on the head.

Jumping down Raichu heads into the living room and sees Manectric curled up into a ball, sleeping. He groans. The discharge Pokémon spent more time sleeping than awake, unless Lena used him during missions, the lazy Pokémon never did much of anything. Even when Raichu tried to get him moving, get him active, all Manectric would is yawn a response before falling back to sleep.

The only one of the former pilot’s Pokémon who would entertain Raichu and his “lack-of-ice-cream boredom” was Floatzel, but the weasel was too cool for hanging around outside his Pokéball.

Suddenly an alarm goes off and Raichu’s prick up at the sound.

“Sorry Angie, but I gotta go love,” He hears Lena’s voice from the kitchen. “Alright, I see you tomorrow. G’night.”

The former spiky haired pilot enters the living room and stands in front of the window, she draws something on the glass and the orange mouse Pokémon tilts his head in confusion. _What is she doing?_ Raichu sees four red lines and looks at Lena as though she’s gone mad. Sensing this, bubbly trainer looks at him with a smile and places a finger to her lips; telling him to stay quiet.

And so, he does as he’s told, curious more than anything to see just what his Trainer was up to.

Lena grins and makes a motion as though she’s walking down a flight of steps until she’s no longer in front of the window. From the bottom of the windowsill, she sticks her middle fingers up (a gesture Raichu learned that meant the same as “fuck you”) and she chuckles mockingly at someone. Hopping onto the windowsill to see just who was making his Trainer act weird, the glass abruptly cracks and Raichu falls backwards on his butt. Shrieking at the sudden noise.

Raichu sees a single bullet lodged in the now broken window. _I know you._

Expecting Lena to be up in arms, ready for a fight, he’s surprised to see her looking at the window sadly.

“Oi! That’s expensive… you sexy bitch.”

Exasperated, Raichu sighs.

_Humans are weird._


	2. Just Kiss Already - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is an idiot, Staraptor knows this.  
> Captain Amari and Doctor Ziegler deserve to be together, he knows this too.  
> Lucario and Charizard getting into a fight just to have the Captain visit the doctor's office, he knows this all too well.  
> Idiocy at it's finest.

Staraptor is an incredibly intimidating Pokémon.

Large and predatory with a stern and unrelenting gaze that left him as one of the few Pokémon in Overwatch you did _not_ want to mess with. Made even more true by the fact that the flying-type rarely spoke, rarely made noises that weren't battle cries or snorts of contempt. Staraptor was always serious and rarely was seen relaxing much like his trainer, Captain Amari; the former HSI soldier was a combative specialist and enjoyed soaring through the sky like a mythical warrior of justice.

Having been raised with Fareeha since he was nothing more than a young Starly, the flying-type easily adopted several mannerism from the Captain. Both of them seen as stoic and incredibly militant, on and off the battlefield, they were rarely seen enjoying themselves, besides the occasional witty pun. Some say the Captain didn't know how to do so, wasn't capable of being anything more than a walking war machine.

But Staraptor knew the truth.

He knew that despite all outward appearances, Captain Amari was a giant softie. Warm and loving, caring greatly for her loved ones. And Staraptor was grateful that the misfit members of Overwatch accepted her for who she was, puns and all, and weren't inherently afraid of her despite respecting her to the utmost regard as one of their superiors.

Here in Overwatch they weren't just colleagues forced together because of duty, honor and a hefty paycheck.

They were family.

Except for one: a blonde haired doctor who had the ability to brighten even the darkest days.

The attraction between both his trainer and the doctor was apparent from their first meeting since joining the team. Staraptor remembered how the Captain pined after the doctor when she was just a youngster. The predatory Pokémon remembers his trainer nervously asking the blonde woman out on a date when she was 16 years old and the doctor was 21, serving as a new intern with the medical and science advancement program. How he remembers being perched on the windowsill as the young Captain practiced her lines in front of the mirror in her bedroom and feeling the slightest twinge of embarrassment when the good doctor rejected her advances.

A decade or so later and nothing has changed.

More often than not, Captain Amari finds an excuse to visit the good doctor's office and the rest of her team of Pokémon all too eager to do the same. The predatory bird finds himself accustomed to standing on the same perch in the Doctor Ziegler's office made for the blonde woman's Pidgeot, judging his fellow Pokémon for getting into scuffles just to be tended by the doctor's Blissey while the Captain scolds them for their stupidity.

Anything to get the two of them in the same room together.

It's asinine, but Lucario and Charizard still do it despite Staraptor’s obvious dislike. Even now, after a simple training session, Captain Amari scolds both Pokémon for their recklessness. What was supposed to be a simple practice two-on-two practice battle with Reinhardt's Magmortar and Bastiodon ends in the former Helix soldier's team brawling like headless idiots.

“Must you two constantly be at each other's throats?” Captain Amari yells, angry and annoyed at their behavior. “How are we supposed to function as a team if you two are always fighting?.”

"You two are barred from any more missions until further notice!" The Egyptian says sternly, both Pokémon going rigid. Trying to make their case but all the woman hears are barks and growls. They didn't want to be left out of missions.

"Fareeha," Doctor Ziegler interrupts, her voice warm like liquid honey. Immediately easing the tension in the room. "Maybe that's a bit too harsh, Charizard and Lucario enjoying going on missions with you and the team. Taking it away from them would only hurt them."

 

"And what would you suggest then? Their behavior is absolutely uncalled for, they could hurt someone!" Ever the protector, the Captain looks to Staraptor and the predator bird nods in agreement.  _Only fools would do something so stupid._

"Maybe their rivalry is the cause of something else entirely, maybe they're trying to tell you something." Staraptor rolls his steely eyes at how quick the Swiss woman's words can make his trainer melt away any and all reservations. Captain Amari is putty in her hands.

 _Just kiss already!_ But as much as that is a warm thought, Staraptor knows it wouldn't happen. Both trainers were completely oblivious to the fact that they are both crushing very hard on the other.

"Maybe they're acting out because you're always on missions and rarely have time for them." Ziegler looks at the two idiots softly and they start to sob horrendously. Crocodile tears as big as the Pacific Ocean.

Seeing them like this, Captain Amari softens and recants their punishment. Charizard and Lucario are overjoyed, so much so that the giant lizard jumps, shaking the entire medbay. Causing Doctor Ziegler to fall into the Captain's arms. Heat spreading across their faces. But nothing comes from it, instead they both apologize and Staraptor snorts.

 

 

Ana Amari enjoys a peaceful living now that she has returned to Overwatch. Spending time in the garden on the roof of Gibraltar, basking in the sun's warm while her Pokémon fluttered about. Kingdra and Toxicroak playing in the pond while Noctowl stood beside her, pecking at it's wings. Until two large birds are seen flying overhead. Upon landing Ana smiles, petting their heads.

"There's only one reason as to why my daughter's Staraptor and Angela's Pidgeot would be visiting me together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely overjoyed at the amount of kudos this story got in the few days that it's been posted. Thank you to all those who have read the story, gave it kudos and or bookmarked it. It really means a lot to me. Also stay tuned, I'll have a full-length fic published soon. It's widowtracer and angst at it's best.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this, I wrote it at like 1 am and I have no idea where this came from. The part with hole in the window is based off this hilarious widowtracer comic [seen here.](http://disteal.tumblr.com/post/154587004845/okay-so-i-finished-fly-on-the-wall-and-it-was-rly) Which is based on a fic called "Fly on the Wall", check it out [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7129859/chapters/16189772)
> 
> But don't worry I'll be writing something serious soon so there's that. Also find on tumblr [here.](http://frostfvll.tumblr.com/)


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